rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
