I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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