Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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