So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
