am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
