Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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