You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize