I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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