The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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