no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
