I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
