Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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