After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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