clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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