my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
false alarm, still single
Randomize
