god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
