escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
