I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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