remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
