Me. At least after what I've been through.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
