This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone came in the potted fern
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
