come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
