I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
