what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize