girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
