yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
