I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
