Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
