She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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