i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
