why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
