So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
