My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
