I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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