I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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