It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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