Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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