the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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