the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I cannot find my penis.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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