You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
