I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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