Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize