Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
