There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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