just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
