so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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