It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
