Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
