There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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