I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
im on a boat
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