when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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