I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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