I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm passing your future prison.
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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