I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
