it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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