We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
