you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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