I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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