worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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