And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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