btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
