so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
