the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
