every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm both gender and math confused
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