Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
