So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
