I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
