Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
