According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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