The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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