I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
