right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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