I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
