You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
