So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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