I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
